District of Crystals? Caps GM Brian MacLellan To Change Uniform To Clear "Bad Vibes"
Bowing to Public Pressure, National Zoo Renames Mei Xiang's New Cub "Washington Football Panda"
OPINION: My Child is Going to be a Global Citizen, That's Why I’ve Used My Privilege to Segregate the Bilingual Schools
I’m a woke mother, I marched in the women’s march with a pussy hat, I posted a black square on my instagram and twitter! My child will grow up to be an anti-racist global citizen, that’s why used my white privilege to segregate the bilingual charter schools.
OK yea, there are over 60 schools in the My School DC system to choose from, but that would mean my child would have to go to school with actual Latinos and I’d prefer for him to have that type of cultural immersion when he’s on a mission trip. Sure these schools are the most effective interventions for English language learners, increasing their English proficiency and closing the reading gap but isn’t so cute when Mason says “Hasta Luego”?
You can be sure our Mason will be a lifelong learner, learning and maintaining the long tradition of using white privilege to hoard resources and perpetuate school segregation. No I’m not racist, we simply want him to be culturally competent while in an all white environment!
Inspiring: Chad Vows to Save Post Office by Only Mailing His Dick Pics
Uptown Theater Diversity Movie Marathon Plays "Straight Outta Compton" for 24 Hours
DC Board Of Elections Vows To Replace Buggy Voter App With Absolutely Nothing
After glitches were found in the District's voter registration mobile application, the DC Board of Elections discontinued the app and promptly replaced it with nothing at all.
According to officials, it came down to a choice between helping residents register to vote versus building a perfectly designed application capable of winning app awards, and the DCBOE opted out of the choice altogether by refusing to sacrifice on excellence.
Discussing the understandably heart-wrenching decision to deprive DC residents of an easy way to register to vote during a pandemic, DCBOE Chairman Michael Bennett said, “Look, we just took it down. We’re going to start from scratch, do this 100% right, and build some flawless high-def virtual reality registration experience and it’s gonna blow everyone away. We just need time to finish this masterpiece."
When asked about plans to have a functional voter registration app ready in advance of the November 4 elections, Bennet just laughed, “Please. Rome wasn’t built in a day.”
Donate $36 to Sixth and I for Your Cardboard Cutout to Sit Next to Idina Menzel's, as She Atones for Her Geico Commercial During Yom Kippur Services
RNC Roll Call: Meet the Only 5 Trump Supporters in DC
Your Who’s Who Guide to the District of Columbia’s Proud Republican Delegation Featured During the RNC Roll Call this Week.
From left to right:
Ashley C. MacLeay, an at-large member of the DC State Board of Education, tweeted, “Yup. That was me.” In a follow-up statement, she shared, “I told my husband to get the mean eagle plate out. It looks best when I make racist statements about D.C. children, and I’m sure it will look great as I endorse spewing hate on a national stage.”
Karen McDonald did not respond when asked for a comment. Sources say that she may have actually been a cardboard cutout.
Larry Nadler, cradling a commemorative teacup, did not deny that he had recently drunk the Sunken Place tea prior to the broadcast.
Ken McWhite helped set dress the historic moment: “I used a Sharpie to add an extra 5 spikes to the stars in the DC flag to make it clear that even though we live in DC, we don’t believe in DC statehood or the other principles that the District’s population broadly supports.”
Karen McWhite summed up the experience. “We’re so happy we got to broadcast from one of the most iconic scenes in the nation’s capital: a basement with blocked windows littered with gift shop paraphernalia. It was a hard choice between this and the Washington Monument. Ultimately we chose a locked, hidden bunker for our own safety.”
Cherry Sports Roundup
"Well Now 2020 is Ruined For Me," Laments Capitals Super Fan After Playoffs Loss
District of Crystals? Caps GM Brian MacLellan To Change Uniform to Clear "Bad Vibes"
COLUMN: How to Ditch Toxic Positivity and Just Be Toxic
I’ve always been #blessed! I know how to spread my positive vibes to all my friends with my sage advice. Like when my BFF Lexie’s grandma died, I told her, “Just don’t think about it!”
But WOW – I was shocked to learn about toxic positivity and how denying feelings leads to more stress on the body.
That’s when I decided to ditch toxic positivity and just be toxic! Here are my 3 tips:
Up your judgment and criticism. My motto used to be “everything happens for a reason.” Not anymore. The reason is because your friends did the wrong thing! Pick apart all their words and actions and draw conclusions that it was all their fault.
Become a master manipulator. When my friends would bring up problems in our relationship, I would just say “Delete Negativity!” But now I just tell them what they’re experiencing isn’t actually happening. Is your friend sharing something that you’ve done to hurt them? Here’s a tip, insist that whatever caused the problem is a figment of their imagination! Works like a charm!
Make everything negative. I took down my “Positive Vibes Only” neon light sign and replaced it with a new one “CYNICISM AND CONDESCENSION.” It's written in blood. It really helps ground me in the fact that I should be completely unable to enjoy anything in life.
Breaking toxic positivity is hard, but really not that hard? You’re probably just not trying hard enough. Also, if you really cared about me, you would just agree with everything I just said. Whatever, most friendships end anyway.
