THE CHERRY SWAMP

satirization without representation

 Featured

Posts
Missed Connection: You Turned Me Down, So I’m Asking You Out Again on Popville
Missed Connection: You Turned Me Down, So I’m Asking You Out Again on Popville
Read more →
Secret DC Summer!: Nine Secluded Spots for Crying About a Supreme Court Decision
Secret DC Summer!: Nine Secluded Spots for Crying About a Supreme Court Decision

Let your tears be your own protected wetland.

Read more →
Hot Girl Summer! Seven Metro Escalators to Walk Up to Get a Beach Bod
Hot Girl Summer! Seven Metro Escalators to Walk Up to Get a Beach Bod
Read more →
Sex Positions Named After DC Landmarks
Sex Positions Named After DC Landmarks

National Mall = one partner sits on top and makes very slight movements back and forth like they’re riding a segway

Read more →
Missed Connection: You Were Also Dumping Rancid Sludge into Our Local Compost Drop Off
Missed Connection: You Were Also Dumping Rancid Sludge into Our Local Compost Drop Off
Read more →
Study: 96% of Millennials Refuse to Admit "Throwback" and "Oldies" are the Same Thing
Study: 96% of Millennials Refuse to Admit "Throwback" and "Oldies" are the Same Thing
Read more →
Cherry Swamp Investigation (CSI): Who Are Mail Carriers Talking to Every Second of the Day?
Cherry Swamp Investigation (CSI): Who Are Mail Carriers Talking to Every Second of the Day?
Read more →
Nobody Wants to Work Anymore: Bowser Administration Edition
Nobody Wants to Work Anymore: Bowser Administration Edition
Read more →
The DC Triathlon for 20-Somethings
The DC Triathlon for 20-Somethings
Read more →
Maryland Driver Casts Himself in Upcoming Fast and Furious Movie
Maryland Driver Casts Himself in Upcoming Fast and Furious Movie
Read more →
Trader Joe's Releases "Everything But the Bagel" Toothpaste
Trader Joe's Releases "Everything But the Bagel" Toothpaste
Read more →
Friend Suddenly No Longer "Super Into the Royal Family" When it Requires Looking at any Footage of Charles
Friend Suddenly No Longer "Super Into the Royal Family" When it Requires Looking at any Footage of Charles
Read more →

US & Politics

Posts
Secret DC Summer!: Nine Secluded Spots for Crying About a Supreme Court Decision
Secret DC Summer!: Nine Secluded Spots for Crying About a Supreme Court Decision

Let your tears be your own protected wetland.

Read more →
George Santos Says Yes to Law & Order Cameo, Doesn’t Realize He’s Being Arrested
George Santos Says Yes to Law & Order Cameo, Doesn’t Realize He’s Being Arrested
Read more →
Agreement Reached to Raise Justice Clarence Thomas' Bribery Debt Ceiling
Agreement Reached to Raise Justice Clarence Thomas' Bribery Debt Ceiling
Read more →
Documents Reveal Lincoln Wanted His Memorial to be Background in Prom Photos
Documents Reveal Lincoln Wanted His Memorial to be Background in Prom Photos
Read more →
Explore US & Politics

Local

Posts
Missed Connection: You Turned Me Down, So I’m Asking You Out Again on Popville
Missed Connection: You Turned Me Down, So I’m Asking You Out Again on Popville
Read more →
Hot Girl Summer! Seven Metro Escalators to Walk Up to Get a Beach Bod
Hot Girl Summer! Seven Metro Escalators to Walk Up to Get a Beach Bod
Read more →
Weird! This New DC Restaurant Doesn't Have a Gimmick!
Weird! This New DC Restaurant Doesn't Have a Gimmick!
Read more →
Millennial Rebrands Her Age Spots as "Girlboss Freckles"
Millennial Rebrands Her Age Spots as "Girlboss Freckles"
Read more →
Explore Local

Work & Technology

Posts
Nobody Wants to Work Anymore: Bowser Administration Edition
Nobody Wants to Work Anymore: Bowser Administration Edition
Read more →
Coworker DETERMINED to Have One-on-One Conversation in Public Slack Group
Coworker DETERMINED to Have One-on-One Conversation in Public Slack Group
Read more →
Economists Celebrate Third Anniversary of Predicting Recession
Economists Celebrate Third Anniversary of Predicting Recession
Read more →
Cap Hill Couple Announces Pregnancy by Making Fetus' LinkedIn Profile
Cap Hill Couple Announces Pregnancy by Making Fetus' LinkedIn Profile
Read more →
Explore Work & Technology

Lifestyle

Posts
Trader Joe's Releases "Everything But the Bagel" Toothpaste
Trader Joe's Releases "Everything But the Bagel" Toothpaste
Read more →
Tall, Thin, White Woman Bravely Declares "Wear What You Want!"
Tall, Thin, White Woman Bravely Declares "Wear What You Want!"
Read more →
Seven Fashionable Headbands That Are Both Non-Functional and Make You Self-Conscious!
Seven Fashionable Headbands That Are Both Non-Functional and Make You Self-Conscious!
Read more →
Adidas Left with $3 Billion of Unsellable 'Dilzys' after Dropping Scott Adams Partnership
Adidas Left with $3 Billion of Unsellable 'Dilzys' after Dropping Scott Adams Partnership
Read more →
Explore Lifestyle

Love & Dating

Posts
Missed Connection: You Turned Me Down, So I’m Asking You Out Again on Popville
Missed Connection: You Turned Me Down, So I’m Asking You Out Again on Popville
Read more →
Shaw Couple Splits After Realizing Nothing Left to Talk About After Succession Finale
Shaw Couple Splits After Realizing Nothing Left to Talk About After Succession Finale
Read more →
Sonic Boom Actually Arlington Woman Reaching the End of Hinge
Sonic Boom Actually Arlington Woman Reaching the End of Hinge
Read more →
Sex Positions Named After DC Landmarks
Sex Positions Named After DC Landmarks

National Mall = one partner sits on top and makes very slight movements back and forth like they’re riding a segway

Read more →
Explore Love & Dating

Science & Health

Posts
New Titanic Shipwreck 3D Scan Proves that Rose Had Room on the Door
New Titanic Shipwreck 3D Scan Proves that Rose Had Room on the Door
Read more →
Takoma Woman Now Spectrum Expert After Watching One TikTok on Neurodivergence
Takoma Woman Now Spectrum Expert After Watching One TikTok on Neurodivergence
Read more →
Nationwide Adderall Shortage Forces GW Grad Student to Take It As Prescribed
Nationwide Adderall Shortage Forces GW Grad Student to Take It As Prescribed
Read more →
Rapid Test Stockpilers Plan One Last Big Score
Rapid Test Stockpilers Plan One Last Big Score
Read more →
Explore Science & Health

Entertainment

Posts
Shaw Couple Splits After Realizing Nothing Left to Talk About After Succession Finale
Shaw Couple Splits After Realizing Nothing Left to Talk About After Succession Finale
Read more →
Study: 96% of Millennials Refuse to Admit "Throwback" and "Oldies" are the Same Thing
Study: 96% of Millennials Refuse to Admit "Throwback" and "Oldies" are the Same Thing
Read more →
New Titanic Shipwreck 3D Scan Proves that Rose Had Room on the Door
New Titanic Shipwreck 3D Scan Proves that Rose Had Room on the Door
Read more →
Woman Scrambles to Find, Post Selfie Taken with Celebrity Who Just Died
Woman Scrambles to Find, Post Selfie Taken with Celebrity Who Just Died
Read more →
Explore Entertainment

Food

Posts
Weird! This New DC Restaurant Doesn't Have a Gimmick!
Weird! This New DC Restaurant Doesn't Have a Gimmick!
Read more →
Maryland's 10 Best Bottomless Brunches You'll Never Have Because They’re in Maryland
Maryland's 10 Best Bottomless Brunches You'll Never Have Because They’re in Maryland
Read more →
Target Caves, Moves Hot Dog Buns Out of Sandwich Aisle
Target Caves, Moves Hot Dog Buns Out of Sandwich Aisle
Read more →
Farmers Market Still Trying to Make Rhubarb the Next Kale
Farmers Market Still Trying to Make Rhubarb the Next Kale
Read more →
Explore Food

Sports

Posts
The DC Triathlon for 20-Somethings
The DC Triathlon for 20-Somethings
Read more →
Running Of The Chihuahuas Frontrunner Tests Positive For Anabolic Steroids
Running Of The Chihuahuas Frontrunner Tests Positive For Anabolic Steroids
Read more →
Dan Snyder Sells Commanders, Still No Takers for His Soul
Dan Snyder Sells Commanders, Still No Takers for His Soul
Read more →
WMATA's New Faregates to Replace High Jump Bars at 2024 Olympics
WMATA's New Faregates to Replace High Jump Bars at 2024 Olympics
Read more →
Explore Sports