Inside Brooke Pinto’s Subterranean Georgetown Pool Full Of Golden Coins
Navy Yard Man Celebrates Nats Opening Day By Asking Store Clerk To Ring Up His Beer For 3.5x Original Price
Inside Brooke Pinto’s Subterranean Georgetown Pool Full Of Golden Coins
[Advice] Help! My Boyfriend Moved From The Waterfront To Columbia Heights And I Hate Long-Distance Relationships
Dear The Cherry Swamp,
I’m a 31 year-old man who has lived in the Waterfront since 2013. Yes, even before they built all the cool things at The Wharf. My boyfriend, who lives a couple of blocks away from me, just told me he is moving to Columbia Heights and I don’t know if this will work out. I hate long-distance relationships!
Before the pandemic we used to eat at Hank’s Oyster Bar, and see Tegan and Sara at The Anthem. It was divine! But now he is moving to a row house on Columbia Heights because “rent is cheaper”. I don’t think I’m prepared to date someone who lives in another quadrant. Does he have to change his phone code? What about the time-difference? How good is the wi-fi over there if we want to FaceTime?
I told him moving to Columbia Heights could be the end for us. He has assured me I can visit him anytime. As a good traveler I did some research and I found out there are a lot of hills over there. I like adventure -I once rented a paddleboard by the pier- but I’m just not ready for this kind of endurance.
Please help me out. I already experienced one bad long-distance relationship before. My ex moved to L’enfant Plaza and never saw him again. What should I do?
The Cherry Swamp's Advice: Please visit https://www.metroalerts.info/
DC Budget Battle: Area Vampires Celebrate Narrowly Escaping Tax Hike On Generations Of Accumulated Wealth
The late July streets were hot and humid at P and 23rd St NW. But inside the underground lair of the Washington Everlasting Alliance for Long-Thriving Households, or WEALTHs, the atmosphere was cool, dark, and jubilant.
There, among treasure chests overflowing with precious stones and hooks drilled into stone walls ready to hang unsuspecting mortals to drain them of blood, the Capital area’s longstanding vampire collective toasted goblets of blood to their recent budget victory in the DC Council.
“Let us raise a glass to Chairman Mendelson, for recognizing the dire consequences of a tithe that would trickle some of the precious lifeblood from our ancient lineages,” hissed Millicent VonSnausburg, the association’s current president, who is serving her 2nd 135-year term in the role.
Under the proposed tax, presented by council member Charles Allen (D-Ward 6), vampiric families with assets of at least $350,000 per individual would have been taxed at 8.75 percent instead of 8.5 percent. This increase would have raised roughly $12 million annually, to be used to fund the city’s schools and build more affordable housing.
“Our wealthiest vampires are already paying by far the highest tax rate in the region,” said council chair Phil Mendelson (D-AL), who opposed the increases. “Vampires create income opportunities for working mortals, who can offer their weakest family members for bloodletting in exchange for modest stipends.”
[Summer Style] 5 Ways To Arrange And Dress Up Your Furniture So You Feel Less Alone On Your Birthday
White capris are the perfect summer look for a coffee table made from reclaimed pallet wood. Make it feel more lifelike with funky earrings and a beret!
When it comes to eating birthday ice cream alone at the sink, nothing beats loneliness like a fake mustache on the faucet. Try googly eyes to really kick up the fun!
I set up a “nail salon” in the kitchen and paint the tongs on all my forks a cute peachey color.
Nothing beats cracking open a bottle of wine, putting a cute red dress on a broom, and saying “Naw, honey, I don’t feel like dancing.”
Reader Mikaela Smithson says: “I put a bathrobe on my coat rack, and pretend we just fucked, and now we’re just in that lazy morning chatting phase.”
Catcaller Changes Tactics To Adapt To COVID:"You're Too Pretty Not To Smize"
With few people roaming DC’s streets months into a pandemic, local harasser of women and Logan Circle resident Greg Danielson found a notable drop in opportunities to practice his favorite hobby: slinging unwanted verbal come-ons to unsuspecting women on the street.
“Normally, if I saw a pretty lady, I would advise her to put a nice smile on her face to match that fine ass,” said Danielson in a phone interview. “Now with these ladies wearing masks, it’s really hard to know whether a lady should be smiling more.”
A turning point came when Danielson stumbled upon seasons 1 - 3 of America’s Next Top Model on Hulu. Watching Tyra Banks’ advice for aspiring supermodels, he was fascinated by the concept of the smize: smiling with your eyes.
“I realized that if pretty ladies are walking around on DC streets in masks, the least they could do is to bless the surrounding area with a slight, elusive squint implying deep satisfaction and an internal fire of sexiness,” Danielson reported.
For many women, like Courtney Mullin, 29, Danielson’s new approach has been a surprise.
“It had been like three months since I’d heard a catcall,” she said. “But then I was walking home from a 12-hour ER shift and somebody AirDrops me an instructional video of Tyra teaching a Vogue editor how to smize. I look up from my phone notification to see a dude staring at me, phone in hand, saying ‘Hey, baby, don’t you know you’re too pretty not to smize?’”
“Jesus fucking Christ,” said Mullin.
Washington Nationals Forego Donation To BLM, Replace Presidents Race With 7th Inning Presidents Beheading
Pictured: A Move Local Activists Describe As “Bizarre” And “Not At All What We Asked For.”
Couple Sees Bright Side Of The Pandemic, Finally Able To Get A Table At Bad Saint.
Columbia Heights couple, Dana and Malik Miller, have chosen to see the bright side of the pandemic by indulging in one of DC’s most popular restaurants, Bad Saint.
“We used to see the long line of Anthony Bourdain wannabe’s and think that they were a bunch of losers falling for overpriced ethnic cuisine,” Dana recalled.
Malik, a public defense attorney, added “And when the pandemic hit D.C., all of a sudden, everyone was gone. The sidewalks were empty. And there was a lingering sense of doom in the air. But also I thought to myself, ‘I’ve never tried sisig before.’
As a result, half the city relocated back to their mom’s house in the general midwest and the couple were finally able to get their chance to walk right in the front door. When asked how much they enjoyed the Fillipino cuisine that was once voted the second best restaurant in the country, Dana was quoted as saying, “It was okay.”
