Inspiring! This NoMa Woman Understood the DC Vaccine Portal Announcement
Issue No. 32
Inspiring! This NoMa Woman Understood the DC Vaccine Portal Announcement
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How to Use Every Phase of the Moon Justify Your Toxic Behavior
Have you been accused of displaying toxic behavior? Is it from years of social conditioning or unaddressed unhealthy patterns? No! The answers have been closer than you think, just look up! You’re not toxic, it’s the moon! Here you thought the moon only affected the ocean tides, nope! Find out how to justify all your toxic behavior on that craggly moon!
New Moon – New moon, new you. That’s all you have to say. Don’t do shit you don’t want to today.
Waxing Crescent Moon – You stopped waxing your vagina during the pandemic so now you’re a “real” feminist and rubbing it in everyone’s faces
First Quarter Moon – You can totally date a dude who’s in his first quarter of freshman year. It’s FINE.
Waxing gibbous Moon – You feel bloated so you lash out and call everyone around you fat.
Full Moon – This is when werewolves come out, so you being two-faced isn’t wrong, shape-shifting on brand this time of the month
Waning Gibbous Moon – If your gibbous were getting bigger, then sure, maybe. But it’s not, it’s waning, so just tell your friends that priorities matter today, and they’re not one of them.
Last Quarter Moon – Feelings of scarcity abound, after all, it’s your very last quarter. You need to hold tight to what you’ve got today, so no hard feelings if you decide not to tip anyone.
Waning Crescent Moon – A waning crescent moon looks just like a… moon looks in cartoons. So, yes, if you need to act out today, pull people’s hats down over their heads and blow steam out your ears when you’re angry, we get it.