Inspiring! This NoMa Woman Understood the DC Vaccine Portal Announcement

Issue No. 32

Inspiring! This NoMa Woman Understood the DC Vaccine Portal Announcement 

How to Explain to Your White Friends That Union Market Is Just OK

Meghan's Claim of Royal Racism Corroborated By India, Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, U.S., Egypt, Sudan, & Others 

WMATA Announces "Silver Line Extension Delay Right On Schedule"

How to Use Every Phase of the Moon Justify Your Toxic Behavior

Have you been accused of displaying toxic behavior? Is it from years of social conditioning or unaddressed unhealthy patterns? No! The answers have been closer than you think, just look up! You’re not toxic, it’s the moon! Here you thought the moon only affected the ocean tides, nope! Find out how to justify all your toxic behavior on that craggly moon! 

New Moon – New moon, new you. That’s all you have to say. Don’t do shit you don’t want to today. 

Waxing Crescent Moon – You stopped waxing your vagina during the pandemic so now you’re a “real” feminist and rubbing it in everyone’s faces

First Quarter Moon  – You can totally date a dude who’s in his first quarter of freshman year. It’s FINE.

Waxing gibbous Moon – You feel bloated so you lash out and call everyone around you fat. 

Full Moon – This is when werewolves come out, so you being two-faced isn’t wrong, shape-shifting on brand this time of the month 

Waning Gibbous Moon – If your gibbous were getting bigger, then sure, maybe. But it’s not, it’s waning, so just tell your friends that priorities matter today, and they’re not one of them.

Last Quarter Moon – Feelings of scarcity abound, after all, it’s your very last quarter. You need to hold tight to what you’ve got today, so no hard feelings if you decide not to tip anyone. 

Waning Crescent Moon – A waning crescent moon looks just like a… moon looks in cartoons. So, yes, if you need to act out today, pull people’s hats down over their heads and blow steam out your ears when you’re angry, we get it.

Takoma Park Man Keeps Postponing Doing Laundry Until He Gets the Vaccine

How the Pandemic Helped Me Connect With What Matters Most in My Life: Carbs

"It's Never Too Late to Learn," Says Georgetown Man Who Just Learned There Are Three Other Quadrants in DC

Bras Mourn as One Year Pandemic-versary Pushes Them Into Retirement 

Wow! Couple Went Hiking and Didn't Brag About It on Social Media

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Meet Buggy! The DC Vaccine Registration Site's Cutest and Newest Mascot to Help You Navigate Its Technical Ineptitude