On the Verge of Hot Girl Summer 🥵, European Wax Center Estheticians Prepare for Hostile Enemy Bushes
Issue No. 36
On the Verge of Hot Girl Summer, European Wax Center Estheticians Prepare for Hostile Enemy Bushes
"I Don’t Even Care Who It Is," Says Guy Camped Outside of Black Cat After Getting Second Vaccine
As Washington DC and the rest of the country continue the vaccination rollout, more people are starting to think when they will see live music. For Matthew Barks, a 31 year old man from Truxton Circle, the time to go to a music venue is imminent. He already started camping outside of Black Cat.
“Music is my life, man. As soon as I got my second shot of Pfizer, I knew I had to start camping outside of my favorite place Black Cat. It may be uncomfortable but I’ll do anything for live entertainment,” said Matthew while resting on his $300 REI sleeping bag inside his $750 REI tent.
“I’ve seen so many incredible artists here, man. Lucy Dacus, Matt and Kim, Tokyo Police Club. I even went to the Red Room to see up and coming musicians. People told me it’s a struggle to camp outside but I’ll put up with anything to enjoy music,” said Matthew while ordering a $120 Uber Eats order from Thip Khao.
As of publication time, Matthew found out that the first band to perform at Black Cat would be Nickelback. “I hate them so much, but I’ll take it,” he said.
Building Museum Opens Back Up Just in Time For You To Say "We Should Go There One Day"
National Endowment for the Arts Announces: "It's Okay If Your Summer Playlist Is Entirely Bops You Didn't Get To Bust Your Ass To in 2020"
New Dating App Allows You to Filter By Attachment Style, Anxious-Avoidants Fail to Sign Up
Back To Work This Summer: Get Ready to Sweat Your Balls Off!
With vaccinations rolling out widely, get ready for your return to the office this summer! The Cherry Swamp has these helpful reminders of what “normal” summer workdays in DC will be like for you:
100% wool suits in 100 degree heat!
Pantyhose because our work culture thinks it's still the 1960s!
Your thighs sticking to the plastic seats on the Metro!
Smelling your deodorant fail as your face is forced into your armpit while you grip on to a hand strap on the bus!
Your feet swelling a full size in those cute new work shoes within seconds of stepping outdoors!
As Car Travel Rebounds and Allergies Hit, HOV Lane Feeling Like Herself Again: "I Haven't Been This Congested in Ages!"
"Wow, Weather!" and Other Classes Skillshare Offers to Have Small Talk Again
Eye Contact: Creepy or Empathy?
How To Fill 20 Minutes Responding to “What part of the city do you live in?”
Did You Just Say Something? No? Ah, ok. I Thought You Just Said Something.
The Irish Goodbye: 101
Coffee, am I right?
WTF!?!?! Other Cities Have Cherry Blossoms Too?
"Wow, Food Hits Different When Its Not Air Fried" Reflects Twenty-something Visiting Parents For First Time In Over A Year
Emily was super excited to visit home for the first time in over a year. The pandemic had halted all face to face contact with her aging parents but now that they’d both received the vaccine the coast was clear for a weekend trip to the suburbs.
The twenty-something Shaw resident wasn’t a terrible cook but had taken to air frying any and everything after attempts to replicate her dad’s mouth watering spare ribs recipe in her tiny kitchen proved futile. Acquiring an air fryer was for her, like many young professionals, a turning point that revolutionized home cooking.
In an interview with the Cherry Swamp, Emily relayed these sentiments, “I thought I was doing pretty well making dinner for myself every night, but having a home cooked meal really snapped me out of it. Just because something CAN be made in the air fryer doesn’t mean it SHOULD be made in the air fryer.”