"We Have Books Too, You Know?" DC Librarians to Residents Waiting in Line
Issue No. 74
"We Have Books Too, You Know?" DC Librarians to Residents Waiting in Line
Capitol Hill Man Googles “Capitol vs Capital” for 37th Time This Year
Is He Really Into You or Is He Just the Trader Joe’s Cashier?
He calls me over with a “Next!”
“Justin” I read on his name tag. The Hawaiian-print shirt and long eyelashes–he looks like a grown up Disney Channel star who hasn’t gotten a DUI yet.
“Bags?” he asks.
“I’ll shove them all in my backpack and carry the loaf of bread in my hand,” I reply, a bit too eagerly.
My whole body starts to shiver as he scans all my dips and spreads.
“We just got this in stock,” he palms my Truffle Picante Spicy Pasta Sauce. “I haven’t tried it yet.”
“Wow!” I say too enthusiastically.
I start to plan our first date. Mari Vanna–no, Chicken + Whiskey. Justin’s a fast casual type of guy. He doesn’t need to show off his money. He could also be eating a pupusa that’s falling apart and still look good. He’d offer to pay because he’s nice like that, although I don’t know how much Trader Joe’s pays these days. Do they even offer health care? After our date he’ll take me back to the basement of his group house and put on the new season of “It’s Always Sunny.” He lays back on the flannel sheets his mom got him for Christmas. I begin to lay my head on his chest with lust in my eyes and slowly reach for his–
“$43.26”
I’m jolted out of my reverie. Justin takes a drink of the Organic Cold Brew Raspberry & Currant Black Tea at his station. I bet he used his employee discount to get it for 10 percent off. He could provide for our future family with his in-store discount. Maybe he’ll move up to management at some point. I can quit my job to watch our two rescue daschunds and write a Trader Joe’s recipe blog–
The credit card machine beeps obnoxiously. Justin makes eye contact with me seemingly saying “What?” I feel like he’s urging me to move on, but he looks so cute. He’s not doing it to be mean.
I put on my overstuffed backpack and take the loaf of Soft Multigrain Rustico Bread in my hand, shooting puppy dog eyes at Justin as I walk away. My heart races and I can’t wipe the smile off my face.
By the time I reach the automated doors, my infatuation has already dissipated. Justin wasn’t into me. He’s just another Trader Joe’s cashier doing his job.
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This one syncs with an accompanying podcast that you’ll never listen to!
This one has shiny stickers! But only if you buy the premium package for an extra $10.95!
Here’s one with inspirational quotes from women you’ll never live up to, like Malala, Michelle Obama, Betty White, Frida Kahlo, and more!
Oh wow, this one has daily prompts to make you skip journaling, too!
Another one over here has complicated healthy recipes using obscure ingredients like Moon Dust that you can’t find at Giant!
Fun! This one makes you fill in the dates, too!
This one has a page for you to draw your vision for 2022! Get out your pastels! Oh wait, you don’t have any! Or any talent for drawing!
Huh. This one makes you write letters to yourself in the future! Seems like a lot of work to time travel!
Ok now this one has an app, where it will shame you for not checking in enough! Super!