DUPONT CIRCLE, DC— Program Analyst Anita Cruz was initially thrilled when she learned she would be getting a promotion at her non-profit job. That joy soon turned to disgust when she had a stark realization: “I noticed my supervisor and our junior analyst had just quit, before I knew it I realized I was getting a “millennial promotion,” triple the amount of work disguised as a “promotion.” Here at the Cherry Swamp we’ve devised a quiz to help you identify if you’ve been promoted or given three jobs. 

1. Does it have a forward slash in the title? Forward slash/is/always/bad/news. 

2. Does your salary increase beat the inflation rate? If the cost of eggs has risen more than your salary, run for the hills.  

3. Are they hiring your replacement? No replacement means you’re still doing the job sweetie. 

4. Is the first bullet point other duties as required? Does the job require you to have graphic design and video skills, writing samples, and the ability to perform major surgery (as needed)? Ya fucked.