New Advent Calendar Gives Grandmas One Passive Aggressive Insult Per Day for Grandchildren
New Advent Calendar Gives Grandmas One Passive Aggressive Insult Per Day for Grandchildren
STUDY: Only 3 Percent of NoMa Residents Know What NoMa Means
Capitol Hill Woman Leaves One-Star Yelp Review for US Supreme Court
28-year-old Sarah Smith has been on a relentless pursuit of justice since she learned that the Supreme Court is, for the first time in herstory, up to no good. After hearing that Roe v. Wade may be overturned, thus either banning or severely restricting abortion access for women in 21 states, Sarah decided to embolden her activist streak.
Last Wednesday at 3:45 pm, Sarah grew curious about how she could truly make a difference in ensuring that women in these 21 states could have access to safe and legal abortions. A brief Google search yielded several options including writing to state legislatures, donating to Planned Parenthood, and maybe even participating in one of many organized protests to bring attention to the matter.
Smith decided to create real lasting change, and wrote a Yelp review on the Supreme Court’s page, crossing her fingers that the justices could finally take a hint. “It’s what the Notorious RBG would’ve wanted,” Smith said.
If I could give a half star, I WOULD!!! I love the Supreme Court usually, but this season has a TERRIBLE vibe :( Most of the justices are worthless human beings who give ZERO F*CKS about women!!! Amy Coney Barret has zero respect for women and should just go away, quickly.
When asked if Smith was familiar with activism, Smith responded by pulling up her Instagram page and scrolling to a black square from April 2020.
Ivy City Woman Takes One Hour Lunch Break; Works Extra Three Hours Out of Guilt
This Holiday Season, I’m Giving My Partner an ADHD Diagnosis
It Happened to Me: I Had Bad Sex for Seven Years After Not Making Eye Contact During Aunt Carol's Holiday Toast
I remember it like it was yesterday, even though it was exactly seven years ago on Christmas Day. The whole family gathered around the table for a festive feast. We were even using Grandma’s “nice” china. Then wacky Aunt Carol began her toast.
“I’m so thankful for my entire extended family!” Carol tearfully remarked. “Now, let’s raise a glass to each and every one of us!” She began going around the entire table, locking eyes first with Uncle Jim, on to Cousin Eric, then down the line. Each family member clinked her glass, returning her gaze even as she spilled pinot prigio on their gay apparel.
At the very same time that Carol got to me, the oven timer rang. The pie! “Yeah yeah, cheers Carol” I said as I distractedly touched her glass to mine while standing up and rushing into the kitchen. As I scurried off, Carol shouted, “Seven years’ bad sex when you don’t make eye contact during a toast!”
I laughed it off. I had more important things to do, and rescued the pecan pie just before it burnt. What I didn’t know was that rescuing that pie from destruction would destroy my love life. I was cursed with bad sex for seven years thereafter.
How could I have been so careless, so thoughtless? I would rather that cursed pie set ablaze than to see the flames of passion extinguished in my bedroom. I always thought that eye-contact rule was just an old wives tale, a quaint fable from the old country to be wielded by creepy older relatives desperate for human connection.
For seven years I’ve suffered the fate I brought upon myself. Night after night of one-pump chumps, long-time Larries, jackhammer Jimmies, and pound-town Paulies. But tomorrow it ends. I’ve got a date with destiny, or rather, Ralph from PlentyOfFish.com, who will surely be my new casanova sex machine. He says he’s really good at doin’ it. Finally, I will undoubtedly have good sex for the first time in seven years!
