Rosslyn Man Ghosts Kickball Team After Cursing Volunteer Ref’s Entire Family

Kevin H. decided to sign up for the DC Fray Late Spring 2022 National Mall Kickball League to meet new people. After two years of working from home as a project manager, he still doesn’t fully understand his responsibilities, and his Wilson Boulevard apartment was feeling too lonely. He no longer could bank on his beagle mix named Max being his sole personality trait. Kickball could potentially give him that fresh start and help him socialize again. Maybe he’d even meet a love interest.

He arrived to his first game full of butterflies but ready to make the other players on “All My Pitches Love Me” his friends. He brought a four-pack of High Noon because Reddit told him that’s a cool drink these days. At the end of the game’s fifth inning, he realized he was hooked on that #FrayLife.

By game three, Kevin had taken it upon himself to email a post-game analysis of successful power plays and areas for improvement. He named one person MVP of the week and then ranked the other players by their performance. He knew he was surely the most liked guy on the team. 

But it all came crashing down during game six. “All My Pitches Love Me” was down by two but could easily make up for it with the bases loaded. Katie S. was on deck. Kevin had ranked her 13th last week because she consistently missed kicking the ball a la Charlie Brown. Despite all his coaching tips, Katie never seemed to improve. This week, however, she tried a new strategy: sending the ball directly to the pitcher who easily caught it and threw it back to home base, ending AMPLM’s chance of being top seed for the playoffs. 

Kevin snapped. Full of ire, he marched right up to the volunteer referee, insulting the “rigged game” and cursing every member of the ref’s family. At the end of his tirade, Kevin stormed off leaving behind his team and all hope he had of fully integrating into the #FrayLife.

Kevin was too embarrassed to show face at the following week’s playoff game. It didn’t help that he was also kicked out of the team’s Discord chat. The next day, he decided to download Tinder yet again. His main profile picture is him in his DC Fray shirt, his arms wrapped around two of his former teammates’ shoulders. The other four are him with Max.