Erica Belmont remembers the day everything changed. She spent her entire bonus on birthday cake-flavored ice cream at the next door ice cream shop.

“It wasn’t even my birthday! I was soooo happy!” she recalls.

But this sudden sense of euphoria was also alarming. Erica had never felt this way before. She scheduled an appointment with her doctor, Dr. Greg Delano, immediately. After a battery of tests, which included immersing Erica in scenarios such as “Tall Guy Standing In Front of You at a Concert,” “Untalented Busker with Very Loud Speaker,” and “Other People’s Children,” he made his diagnosis.

“It was a clear case of Erica’s fucks just leaving her body,” he says. “Her body simply had no more fucks to give. I’ve been seeing this in a lot of my female patients. In their early forties, they just stop giving any fucks at all. There is no cure, but of course they don’t give a fuck.”

When we tried to reach Erica for additional comment on how her diagnosis was impacting her life, she just screamed “I do want I want, bitches!” into the phone and hung up.