The Cherry Swamp

View Original

"Science is Real," Says Woman Who Also Refuses to Get Annual Flu Shot

Issue No. 12

"Science is Real," Says Woman Who Also Refuses to Get Annual Flu Shot

“I love Dr. Fauci, he is a brilliant scientist, working against COVID-19 misinformation. But no, I’ve never had an annual flu shot,” said Jessica Peterson, a Tenleytown resident with a shirt that read “Science is Real.” 

“It’s appalling to me the way science has become so political. It reminds me of the dark ages,” said Peterson as she clutched her quartz crystal, which she believes has healing properties and does away with the toxins. Peterson wears her mask whenever she leaves her house, is diligent about social distancing, and always sings happy birthday as she washes her hands to protect her from the COVID-19 virus. 

While Peterson is following CDC recommendations for COVID-19 she has refused to look at the flu shot section of the CDC website.“Look, I hate needles, I don’t trust big pharma, and I’ve heard some crazy things about microchips in the flu vaccine from Instagram.”  According to the CDC it’s likely that flu and the COVID-19 virus will both spread this fall and winter, leaving healthcare systems overwhelmed.  The flu vaccine has been shown to reduce the chances of going to the doctor by 40-60%. 

But Jessica has her own form of protection this year. “I’m not worried about the flu. I’ve recently started doing mantras in the mirror,  I’ve got my essential oils stocked, and I’ve been detoxing a tea recipe that I found on my Facebook group,” she explained. “Covid-19 is deadly serious, I mean the science speaks for itself.”

As Christopher Columbus' Popularity Sinks, the Niña, Pinta and Santa Maria Distance Themselves in Bid to Save Ships' Reputation 

Absolute Fool? Guy wants to Learn How to Play 'Wonderwall' by Oasis on Guitar to Impress Friends        

Eviction Law Firm Boasts Passion, Attention to Detail, & Efficiency at Legally Making People Homeless    

DC law firm Bootem, Toothe & Kurbe has grown its landlord services businesses 550% in the past six months. Henry F.Potter, longtime firm partner, boasted “Landlords know that when the eviction moratorium expires, nobody excels in efficiency, value, and attention to detail when it comes to legally turning renters into homeless people.”

The firm advises home and apartment owners of the legal remedies available to them in a nation whose laws treat housing and apartment stock primarily as profit-driven private property assets, dispelling the vague romanticization of houses and apartments as “homes” or the utility-focused myth that they are primarily a safe shelter for families.

Patrick McGrath, second year law student at Georgetown University, spent the summer interning in Bootem’s housing businesses practice. “Landlords are hurting right now,” Patrick explained. “Some people own 2, or 3, or more apartment buildings, and they’re not going to make as much money if they can’t turn their existing poor and oftentimes out-of-work renters into homeless people –fast– and get someone who is slightly less worse off to pay for to live in the unit.”

As of publication time, The Cherry Swamp had received no comment from Congress about plans to uncouple the need for human shelter from profit-driven banks’ use of complex derivative-based financial speculation.

Ten Cutesy-Patootsie Fall Outfits that Scream 'I Still Listen to My Chemical Romance' 

Republicans Introduce Legislation to Reclassify DC as 6th Borough of New York      

Amy Coney Barrett Spends First Day of Supreme Court Hearing Showing a Slideshow of Kids

WOW! Fall Makeover: COVID Depression Transforms into Seasonal Depression –Must See Before and After!)          

"The Only Acceptable Way to Die is From Covid," says Pro-life Republican, Mitch McConnell as he pushes to confirm Amy Coney Barrett, fails to pass COVID stimulus relief  

Brexit Rally Held at White House Secretly a Downton Abbey GroupMeet