National Mall = one partner sits on top and makes very slight movements back and forth like they’re riding a segway

White House = you’re only let inside if you have an appointment and photo ID, don’t touch anything!

Lincoln Memorial = he’s much bigger than you expected

Jefferson Memorial = dirty, nasty romp in pond scum

Smithsonian Castle = taking a five-year sabbatical from letting anyone in

Capitol building = butt plug

Washington Monument  = full-on pegging