Issue No. 28

Galentine’s Day Even More Depressing Over Zoom

Star Map of the First Time you Took a Shit at His Place and 5 Other Pragmatic Valentine's Day Gifts

• Custom calendar with a selfie of you secretly checking his email and text messages every month

• Bracelet of with the coordinates of the places you’d like him to buy tampons 

•  Engraved paperweight with the timestamp from your first fight at Trader Joe’s

• DIY jar full of decorated popsicle sticks with all the places he’s listed as your emergency contact

• Watercolor portrait of how the dishwasher SHOULD BE loaded

"What Valentine's Gift Says I'm Glad You're Around to Help Me Survive a Global Pandemic But I Want to Keep My Options Open Post-Vaccine?" Shaw Man Asks

Eyebrow Serum Will Fix your Sad Brows But Not Your Sad Personality

2021 Cherry Blossom Activities Rebrand as the "Fences & Cops Festival"

Congressional Republicans favor Tom Brady Statehood before DC

Presidents Day to Honor only 39, maybe 40, Presidents

Virginia abolishes the death penalty; moving to Virginia still a death sentence for your social life

Friends of the National Zoo updates it Facebook status to "It’s Complicated"