🐭 Lonely Guy Teleworking During the Pandemic, Seriously Considering Adopting Rats from Dupont Circle
Issue No. 29
Lonely Guy Teleworking During the Pandemic, Seriously Considering Adopting Rats from Dupont Circle
Apolitical Friend Takes a Stand on the Most Crucial Criminal Justice Reform of our Time #FreeBritney
Kalorama Elite Spends Family Vacation Vaccine-Glamping Outside of SE DC Giant Pharmacy
"I Love how DC Has International Food Options," Says Foggy Bottom Man Who Only Eats Trader Joe's Frozen Meals
The D.C. cuisine is famous for the variety of international cuisine found around it. Drew Tarner, a 31-year-old man from Foggy Bottom, also loves international food because he only eats Trader Joe’s Frozen Meals.
“I moved to DC because I wanted to experience an international city. The range of diverse food is astonishing,” said Drew, while walking around Trader Joe’s aisles. “One day you can eat Trader Joe’s BBQ Chicken Teriyaki and the next one Trader Joe’s Southwest Chicken Quesadillas. Is this real life?”
“Drew is a fun office cubicle neighbor,” said co-worker Brandon Tavera. “The only problem is that every time I invite him to grab lunch and eat sushi, Vietnamese or Ethiopian food, he says that he brought his lunch. He either brings Trader Joe’s Yellow Curry with Chicken or Trader Joe’s Chicken Chow Mein. Drew needs to seriously open his mind.”
At the time of publication, Drew was found leaving Trader Joe’s with 5 papers bags. When asked about his shopping list, he said: “Breakfast, lunch and dinner for the whole week. And I only spent $350. I feel like a diplomat traveling around the world. I think tonight I’ll eat Trader Joe’s Chicken Pizza.”
Are you Super Popular During the Pandemic or do you Just Have an Outdoor Patio?
As Racial Disparities Widen, DC Stops Offering Vaccinations at J. Crew in Georgetown
WOW! Your Co-Worker Got a Promotion by 'Working Hard' (Being White)
Dave Smithson, a 30-year-old security consultant, attributes his promotion to his “hard work and sacrifice.” (On several occasions Smithson has screamed at fellow co-workers, yet does not have the reputation of being “angry.” When white people are angry they are defined as “passionate.”)
Smithson also mentioned he really “I really put in the hours to get to know the organization.” (Smithson’s father and the VP were in the same fraternity, it not only got him the job but put him on the fast track to promotion, as a personal favor to “dear ole Skip.”)
Smithson continued, “I just want to be an example to others that hard work does pay off.” (Smithson did not have to present to the board the day after watching people who look like him being murdered by police, or crash on a deadline while trying to push out images of children who look like they could be your own in cages, or have to smile through water cooler talk about “free speech” after seeing a white terrorist carry a confederate flag through the halls on Congress.) “What can I say? If you can dream it you could do it!” (If you’re white.)